Parenting Story:With changing age, parenting needs change- Romal Surana

Rohan, an energetic 11-year-old, was the apple of his grandparents' eyes. Having raised him since he was a toddler, they were more than caregivers—they were his world. Rohan’s grandparents, who were deeply committed to his well-being, filled his life with love and care. Every day, they were by his side, taking him to classes, helping him with his studies, cooking his favourite meals, and engaging him in cycling and exercise. Rohan felt secure and comfortable, knowing he was loved and cared for. Life, it seemed, was perfect.

But soon, subtle changes crept in. Rohan started becoming irritable and distant, a reaction unusual for his normally cheerful self. Even small suggestions from his grandparents—like reminders to finish his homework or come to dinner on time—started bothering him. His grandparents were puzzled, wondering if they were doing something wrong.

Noticing the shift, Rohan’s aunt, a professional counsellor, stepped in. She observed him closely over a few weeks and saw a pattern emerging. Being familiar with child psychology, she recognized that Rohan’s behaviour wasn’t due to ingratitude or lack of affection, but rather a natural phase in his development.

Entering pre-adolescence, Rohan was experiencing physiological and emotional changes. Children often become more sensitive to tone, repeated instructions, and micro-management at this age. They crave independence, seek to lead and explore, and often feel constrained by excessive guidance.

Rohan’s aunt shared her observations with his grandparents, explaining that their loving approach might be stifling for a boy on the brink of adolescence. “He needs space to explore and develop a sense of autonomy,” she gently explained. “Too much direction can feel overwhelming.”

Understanding this, his grandparents decided to create a more balanced environment for him. They reduced the number of instructions they gave and started asking Rohan for his input on things like his schedule or weekend plans. They began to recognize his need to do things in his way, even if it wasn’t exactly what they had in mind.

As they loosened their grip, Rohan started to respond positively. He became more cheerful and engaged and even began approaching them on his own for advice or help. The change reaffirmed to his grandparents that sometimes, love means stepping back and allowing space.

Parenting Tips:

Give Space: Adolescents benefit from a little freedom, so resist the urge to micro-manage.

Seek Input: Allow children to participate in decision-making. This helps them feel responsible and respected.

Limit Repetition: Instead of constant reminders, set clear expectations once to avoid overwhelming them.

Understand Developmental Needs: Recognize that emotional and physiological changes impact behavior, and adapt accordingly.

By Romal Surana

Child and Adolescent counsellor, Tedxspeaker

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