Awakening Parenthood: Why does my child not listen to me? - Rommal Surana

During a recent conversation with my 11-year-old niece, I discovered something that many parents face. My sister often complains that her daughter doesn’t open up to her, yet my niece shares everything with me. Curious, I asked her, “Why don’t you share your thoughts with your mother?” She replied, “You listen, she doesn’t.”

I was puzzled and asked her to explain further. She narrated an incident where she and her mother were discussing a story about a mouse and a mole. In the story, the mole's house is destroyed by rain, and the mouse lets him stay over the entire rainy season. Afterwards, the mouse helps the mole rebuild his home. When my sister asked for her daughter’s opinion, my niece said, “Why should we stay so long at someone else’s house that we forget our own?” Her mother responded by scolding her, saying, “That’s what you got from the story? The lesson is that a friend in need is a friend indeed!”

My niece, feeling misunderstood, stopped trying to explain. She told me, “Mom doesn’t understand me, so I don’t bother sharing anymore.”

I was surprised but realized both had valid perspectives. My niece viewed the story through a lens of privacy and independence, while my sister focused on the moral of friendship. I sat them down together and explained that they both needed to listen to each other. I reminded my niece that her mother’s perspective comes from a different generation, where extended family stays were common. At the same time, I emphasized to my sister that she should respect her daughter’s viewpoint and avoid dismissing her thoughts.

Parenting Tip: Listening is crucial in any relationship, especially between parents and children. Respecting your child’s perspective, even if it differs from yours, fosters open communication and prevents emotional distance. Without listening, children may stop sharing altogether.

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